Tuesday, 28 July 2009


What is wrong with guys lately?
What is wrong with me lately?
I hate that he's saying he loves me but is basically telling me he's gonna be with other girls while he's gone. And he expects me to do the same with the guys in Georgia. Like, we are together, but he's like hey, feel free to cheat on me because I can't wait to have sex so I'll probably be doing the same? wtf. uhg. He knows how much that hurt him when I did it, why would he go and do it?

I was talking to Juliana and she asked me why she still wants someone after they've hurt her so badly. I didn't even know how to answer. why is that?:[ Why is it that I have to fight for someone so hard, because I messed up ONCE when I wasn't even dating him, and he's hurt me numerous times and I've taken him back...Of coarse I lied to him while I was dating him, but that was because I was truly afraid to tell him. I realize what I did was horrible but I hate it because he makes it sounds like he has never done anything to me. He continues, even to this day, to say that he wishes I would've told him sooner so that he could be over be by now.:/ That makes it sound like he doesn't want me. And he told me he doesn't want me to be over him. I AM SO CONFUSED. Maybe it's just his craving. He wants me to want him even if he doesn't want me. I told him why I still loved him. All he said was thank you? How do I know if he even really loves me anymore...I feel like I'm the only one trying in this.

blah. I let everything get to me.
I need to stop.
because it only makes me feel worse.
this whole situation is just a confidence killer.

don't like the gross face I'm making stop you from clicking play...

That's Juliana and I. It took us 5 hours to film and edit this. It's completely random..enjoy.

So, I went to church. And idk. It makes me mad, it's almost like they're trying to scare you into believing. I'm like:/ what? I don't really like going anymore. I can believe in God and not go to church. The only thing I'm afraid of is becoming distant. I don't really understand their methods of "outreach" either....let's do a bunch of obstacles and races and bring your friends who don't come to church usually, because it'll make them want to come...?uhm. what does it have to do with church. Club games are too violent anyways. meeh.

I'm finally moving here shortly. 11 MORE DAYS. I'm sad but excited. England doesn't seem like my place anymore. I am so ready for change. I am so ready for new friends, and to get out of here. I will miss England A LOT, I know I will. but I'm ready to move on with my life.


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