Monday, 28 September 2009


this has been the best weekend I've had in a long.....long time.


Wednesday, 23 September 2009


maybe I can change that to always.

Friday, 18 September 2009

Man Oh Man

I just got the sweeeeeeetest comment from someone I didn't expect to ! but, he talks to me a lot more now, it's probably not as awkward as it was before.....and I think he can agree. haha.
I miss my England friends so much! I cannot wait to see them again next summer:)

Woah, last night was crazy! that's all I gotta say. I left a lot of details out when I told James. haha. I'm not sure what's up with 27 year olds these days. hahahaahaha...

I get to See the Fall of Troy and Minus the Bear:) I'm so excited. that one, I'm going to FERSURE. people keep inviting me to go to concerts, and then I don't really know if I'm going. or I get mean mugged from their girl friends cause they talk to me a lot. about the show. and then they stop talking to me....cause of their girlfriend haha.

I get to see all my theatre friends perform in Almost, Maine tonight! I'm so excited! I think they'll do so well.

I am in such a good mood:)


Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Everything that I could ever need

Today started out the WORST!
but I have some amazing friends, and I couldn't ask for anything more.
boys make me so mad sometimes !
it's like ya'll all secretly made a packed to do the same thing to meeee !
crack heads.

I talked to all my favorite people today!
I called Kelly also, and I feel better:)

Monday, 14 September 2009


This same thing happens over and over and over and over

...and over.
it's like when I don't try and it finally comes along, and then I try to keep it,...and I lose it.
how many times does this have to happen to me?
I know I've fucked up in the past but, really? how many times...does this have to happen.
this has been like the most miserable week I've had in such a long time.
I want to go home so bad and forget about all the bad things in my life and see my best friends again.
Jeffrey made me excited for that, he's good at cheering me up
So is Matt and Kelly.

someone, buy me a car.


Sunday, 13 September 2009

& I said, "I would try for you"

I miss having someone.
I miss my best friend.
I'm seriously going to start working out more.
I don't want the freshman 15:(
and I'm not talking about the band.
laundry takes way too long here.
some st00pid was trying to compete his music with mine, uh, lame.
Kanye is a meanbean for what he said to Taylor Swift! I would've cried.
I'm kinda mad at someone, but I guess I should take my brothers advice about it.
And Kelly told me what to do and how to handle it;) cause she is good at these things.
Only one class tomorrow, and then I'm photographing some head shots of Jeffrey and then going to walgreens to develop them:)
and I need to reserve a ticket for Almost, Maine. I'm excited to see all my friends preform:)
Ugh, I'm so angry I'm not in England to be there for Bethany.
Everyone always blows up at her all at once, and then she has no one to run to.
I wish I was there to give her a huge hug and tell her everything's going to be okay.
I miss club beyond and Dale's talks with us. He was always my favorite speaker.
I'm prayin' for Bethany.
Speaking of which, I've been reading the bible pretty much every night lately. It puts me in a better mood.
I wish I had someone.
I think about that all the time lately.


Saturday, 12 September 2009

Explosions in the Sky

It's 3:00 am, it's raining and I have no one to cuddle with. hmm.
I cannot wait till the 10th of October. I just found out someone from England that lives here now, know people that I have just recently met. This is such a small world.
I like the phrase "moo cow" that my cousin says. I makes me shmmile:)
I might be going to Florida to see A Day to Remember and I See Stars. Who knows though I guess.
I'm so afraid of change.
I sometimes wish things could be like they were before summer of 2008.
those were good times; those were happy times.
we were care free, and I miss that.
I'm so consumed with having this surreal mindset that....I honestly don't know how to describe or put into words.
I have changed.
What am I doing wrong?
I never feel as if I am good enough for the people I want to keep in my life.
I feel like all the wrong people go for me, and I go for all the wrong people.
maybe I don't, but I am bad at keeping them.
Kelly told me I will find someone, and I hope she is right.
I miss how things used to be,
but I'm glad things changed, I needed it.
I talked to Drew and John Cooper today! that made me pretty happy because I honestly can't usually carry on a good conversation with them, unless it's in person. John said he got quieter, which is weird to think about. I miss "Johndre" haha, they were always fun.
I am so sleepy now. I don't like sleeping alone. So I stay up until I just pass out.
which I think is about to happen.

sweet dreams,


:( I hope Kelly is right

Friday, 11 September 2009

Ever so sweet

I have not blogged in so long.
Well, from my last one, you know I'm obviously in Georgia. I've only seen Kelly once and I miss everyone in England so much. I just want to buy a plain ticket and have a giant party and give everyone bear hugs that last a long time. It makes me so sad. I try to keep listening to happy-ish songs to put me in a better mood but it isn't helping really. It ends up just building up and I just get really sad all at once. It's kinda hard to make legit friends here. I feel like I just follow around a lot of people and a lot of people just stare at me. I keep getting told that "you're attractive and cool, you should have no problem making friends" uh, hello? the way I look has NOTHING to do with my anxiety. :/ and one thing that bugs me the MOST is when people tell me I have no reason to get anixety...?! do you seriously think I can just turn of some sort of anxiety switch or something?! HA I wish. but no, sorry people.I just sounds kind of bitchy. but I'm just's not that easy. It's getting a bit better, but instead of getting anxiety attacks I just kinda get choked up and don't say anything to anyone, and then people just think I'm lame and don't talk. When I'm with Sydney and all them, I'm totally fine, and hanging out with Jeffrey and them is getting a lot better and not so awkward for me. I really enjoy hanging out with Jeffrey and Isaac they are so fun and entertaining to be around and never seize to amaze me, they are my favorite to be around.
OH! I met someone. I'm kind of afraid to like him. I guess if you know what situation I just came out'd know why. I'm ready though. I kind of like him. but....he's always busy and that makes me sad.
Speaking of which, I haven't talked to Bloo in a while, I think it's a good thing. In fact, I think it's a GREAT thing. He said something that kind of upset me, which is nothing new. I just haven't even attempted to talk to him since. (Y)
I miss having people I can talk to about everything. I feel like everyone here already has a best friend, and then when I try to get one, I get blown off or something.
I realized that the majority of the guys that go for me, I would nevvvverrrr go for. ha. I don't really know why I even typed that. but I just always think about that lately. I talked to Kelly about the guys I usually go for....funny conversation...>.<
I think it's hilarious how many people think Bethany and I are related or just look alike. it makes me think of how we used to hate! and I mean HATE! each other, and now I love her to death. I miss her a lot.
Ugh, I feel so inconveniently busy, I wish I could make videos with Juliana again:( I miss summer. I left at such a bad time.
I don't like it when random people ask for my number.
I want Verizon, it's bad to want, but I think I, and everyone who tries to text me and it doesn't work, could agree with me.
mm. I cuddled the other day. mm, I was so happy at that moment!
It's parents weekend, and I see all these parents and I can't see mine. I miss them so much, it makes my heart sad:(! my *says with a little kid English accent* DAAADDDAY (haha) is sending me a package! and I'm so excited to receive it.

hmm. I want someone to sing to me.


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